


Fall Off The Grid

by TheRealKags



Series: Glowing Eyes [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Addiction, Depression, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Relapse, Self Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 12:32:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10437822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealKags/pseuds/TheRealKags
Summary: After all they'd been through, they could make it through this, right?Even when relapses got in the way of love, could they find their way to peace?





	

**Author's Note:**

> 3000 WORDS BABY WOO  
> okay so this is done a little earlier than i expected, but only because i haven't been working on my new piece at all in the past week and a half. i'm still not sure when that'll be out, what with my crippling depression getting in the way of my writing, but it should be sometime in mid april.  
> i hope you enjoy!

"Arm check," Daichi demanded when he and Suga fell into step next to each other that morning.

Suga rolled up his sleeves to reveal faint scarring on both of his arms, which were otherwise smooth to the touch.

"I'm proud of you, Koushi," Daichi said. "That's two months to date."

The setter smiled back at him. "I can't believe we're graduating," he said. "It just doesn't feel real."

Daichi hummed in response and they both watched the sun rise as they walked. The streets were quiet. They got an early start walking, so no one was there. They were alone in the peaceful silence.

"You know," Suga began. "I didn't think I'd get to see this day."

"I'm glad you're here with me," Daichi replied.

Suga stared at the sun, at the color of the sky, at the world. Daichi stared at him. His world. He got lost in the sight; how Suga's eyes shone and his hair glistened in the morning light. The captain was so lost, in fact, that he tripped over a large crack in the sidewalk and grabbed the back of Suga's book bag as he fell, taking the setter down with him. The two were now laying on the sidewalk, Suga laughing at Daichi's clumsiness.

"Sorry about that," Daichi said. "I was distracted."

"It's fine," Suga replied, wiping away tears of laughter. "Just try to watch where you're going."

They stood and Daichi got an idea.

"Maybe you should hold my hand," he suggested. "Just to make sure I don't fall again."

Suga smiled, pink dusting his cheeks, and grasped his boyfriend's hand tightly. Not to make sure he kept his balance, but to make sure they wouldn't be separated ever again.

-

Things were still hard. Kageyama had found Hinata getting high again with his "friends"- they only got high together, it wasn't a real friendship- last week. It was hard for him to forgive the redhead, when he kept breaking his promises over and over again.

Today, as they walked to the school to watch their third years graduate, they didn't hold hands. Hinata stared at the ground, throwing anxious glances Kageyama's way every so often. The redhead knew how angry the setter was with him, and Kageyama always made sure to show just how livid he was.

"Tobio," Hinata said. "You know that I'm sorry, right?"

"Well you've said it plenty of times," Kageyama replied.

"I wasn't thinking," the redhead tried.

"You've said that a lot, too."

They kept walking, Hinata's teary eyes looking back towards the ground. Okay, maybe Kageyama was being a little harsh, but he had to make sure the spiker never did this again. He'd overdosed three times within the last two months already and they didn't even know where he was getting the pills. Kageyama was ready for it all to stop.

"You're going to get in trouble eventually," the setter said.

That seemed to get the redhead's attention, as his wide eyes landed on Kageyama once more.

"If this keeps up, your mom might even send you somewhere to get help."

"I know," Hinata replied.

"You could get expelled if you're caught doing it at school."

"I know."

"You could die if you overdose too much."

"I know."

"Then why are you still being such a dumbass?" Kageyama stopped walking and Hinata followed suit. "Do you just not care or something?"

"You don't understand, Tobio," Hinata said. "When people think of someone who does drugs, they think of people who don't care, who willingly spend all their time and money on alcohol or crack or something. But it's not like that, it's not, it's like a cage that you can't get out of and whenever I find the key, I keep leaving and then getting dragged back. It's like a need-hate relationship because I don't love it, I hate it, but I feel like I need it, Tobio, I can't keep doing this. I have a problem, a real problem."

Hinata was reduced to tears now, hands gripping Kageyama's shirt. The setter was staring down at him, shocked at the explanation. All this time and Hinata never once opened up like this. The setter put his arms around the redhead and pulled him into his chest.

"My mom's already treating me different because she's so angry," Hinata said. "I can't lose you to this too. It's taking over my life. It's all I ever think about anymore."

"Hey," Kageyama soothed. "You're not losing me. We can do this together, okay? But you have to start calling me whenever you get tempted."

"Okay," the redhead sniffled.

They separated and continued to walk under the pink sky towards the school, now gripping each other's hands as if it was a lifeline.

-

They did it. They graduated.

Suga couldn't believe it. Despite everything that happened, everything that could've gone horribly wrong, and everything that did go horribly wrong, he made it. He was going off to college and beginning his future.

His mind drifted off to all the moments he'd had where he was alone in his bedroom, crying into the darkness. There was a period of time when he wished he was dead. But none of that mattered now, because he was moving on with his future. College would begin in the fall and he would get a degree, find a job, maybe get married and settle down.

There were times when he didn't think there would be a future for himself. But boy, was he wrong. He was near the top of his class in the end. And to think that he was so close to never seeing this day.

But what if he relapsed again? He'd been getting so close to doing so, lately. The cloud of depression seemed to hang low over his head and was darkening with every passing day. What if he reached a point where he couldn't take it anymore and he just snapped?

Well, he'd deal with that if it happened.

-

After school was over, Hinata had too much free time. It allowed his mind to wander to dark, dark places. He couldn't take the quiet. Sometimes, the silence got too loud.

So he relapsed. Again.

But it was the last of the pills in his stash. He had to get more, he just had to, he couldn't resist the urge. It was the only thing keeping him going, the only thing that would make the thoughts, the emotions, just stop. He needed it to stop stop **stop.**

And now he was laying in a hospital bed because of this.

His blood pressure dropped too much and when he fell asleep, his mother was unable to wake him up. His heart never stopped, but it was dangerously close to doing so.

Now he had to go to rehab.

"I don't want to go," he tried, with tears in his eyes. "I don't want to be there with all the other druggies, none of them will understand."

"Shouyou," his mother said. "You're going. The fact that you're in the hospital right now proves that I can't keep you safe."

Ugh. Why couldn't he just be more rational like Suga? Maybe then he wouldn't be in this situation.

He was not looking forward to this.

-

"He overdosed late last night, and he had to go to the hospital. He won't be back for a while. He's in rehab."

Daichi felt a lump form in his throat as he listened to Takeda speak. He looked over at Suga who was now white, and Kageyama who only seemed angry.

"Is he okay?" Nishinoya asked.

"He will be," Ukai said. "He had to get his stomach pumped, but he's fine otherwise."

They tried to begin practice- which they were only having because none of them had anything to do outside of volleyball- but no one could focus. Suga looked near tears. He really wanted Hinata to be okay and he seemed to think it was his own fault if the redhead wasn't.

"He'll be okay," Daichi said to him. "Do you want to go home? It's not like this is mandatory, anyway."

"Sure," Suga replied.

They both felt bad for leaving, but the practice was almost useless if they couldn't focus. They had plenty of time to practice before trying out for their college teams, anyways. That's all this practice was about. It was to help the third years get ready for their college teams and to help the underclassmen stay in shape for when the season started up again.

When they reached Daichi's house, they sat on the couch together in silence. The television was off, no one was talking, it was just to wind down and get their bearings. Daichi looked at Suga, who had tears in his eyes. The captain could tell that the other was really beating himself up over all this. The co-captain obviously still resented himself for letting Hinata be hurt for such a long time.

"You know," Daichi began. "None of this is your fault. It's just how he decided to deal with things."

"Yeah," Suga whispered. "I guess."

-

The days passed and soon, they were two weeks into the summer. Kageyama walked around the park, alone. He thought Hinata would've been released by now, but according to his mother, the redhead was having some "behavioral problems" that caused him to be held there longer. Of course that dumbass would misbehave. He was always too loud and too boisterous, Kageyama didn't expect anything less.

What he also didn't expect, though, was for Hinata to get phone privileges and call him.

"Hello?" Kageyama answered the unknown number.

"Is this Kageyama Tobio?" A woman asked. "Hinata Shouyou is here and he would like to speak with you. Is that okay?"

"Yes," Kageyama said, louder than he meant to. "Yes, of course."

There was shuffling and then Hinata's hesitant voice came through the speaker, "hey."

"Hey, Shouyou," Kageyama said. "How're things where you are?"

A sigh. "It sucks. I hate it here. But they said I could get discharged sometime this week, so that's good. How're things on your end?"

"That's great," Kageyama said. "Everyone misses you. We're all really worried."

"Sorry," Hinata said. "I didn't mean for all this to happen. I don't know what I was thinking."

"That doesn't matter," Kageyama said. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, apparently my blood pressure dropped pretty low," he said. "I don't even remember what happened. One minute I was in my bedroom, and the next minute I was in the hospital."

"Just promise me you'll try not to do it again," Kageyama said. "I know, I know, you always try, but please, just..."

"Try harder?" Hinata suggested with a small, bitter laugh. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm really trying my hardest, I can tell you that."

"So," Kageyama said. "I thought you would've been released earlier?"

Hinata gave a nervous laugh. "Well, I might've... Kind of... Cursed out a social worker."

"Oh, you dumbass," Kageyama said with a laugh. He paused for a minute. "Well try to behave so you can get out of there sooner. I- we miss you."

"Okay," Hinata said. "My time is up. I guess I'll see you soon."

"Bye."

-

Suga sat in the locker room, alone.

He hated being alone, but now it was what was best.

His sleeves were rolled up and his razor was in his hand.

Suga just couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't, he needed the release that the razor always provided for him.

He pressed it to his skin-

"Suga?" Asahi was standing in the doorway. "W-what's that in your hand?"

The setter looked down at the razor pressed against his wrist.

"Nothing," he said, picking it up and hiding it behind his back. "I'm fine, you can go."

"No," Asahi said. "Show me what was in your hand."

Suga slowly held out the razor on a flat palm and Asahi immediately took it from him. The setter felt a lump in his throat.

"Please don't take it," he said, his voice wavering pathetically. "It's my only one, I need it."

"No you don't," Asahi said- he was being surprisingly calm. "Come on, let's go get Daichi."

They walked out and into the gym where the others were practicing.

"Daichi," Asahi said. "Could you come here for a second?"

The captain saw Suga's red eyes and frowned worriedly, rushing over to where they were and going inside the locker room with them. All Asahi had to do was hand him the razor, and Daichi immediately knew what was wrong. Asahi left the room, saying he would oversee practice, and the two were alone.

"Were you going to do it?" Daichi asked.

"I dunno," Suga replied, avoiding looking into the other's eyes. He sighed. "Yes."

Daichi sat down on the bench in the middle of the room and beckoned Suga to follow. The setter did so, sitting down and resting his head on the captain's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Suga said.

"I'm not mad," said Daichi. "I'm worried, and I'm just a little disappointed, but I'm not mad at you. I mean, I'd take all your pain away if I could, but I can't, so we just have to make things work."

"But I can't make things work," the setter cried. "I can't resist the temptation anymore. I don't want to let you down."

"Hey," the captain said. "You are not letting me down. You're so strong, it's okay to break every once in a while. You relapse again? You'll recover. This isn't the end of the world, I promise. Okay?"

Suga nodded with a sniffle.

"How about we go get some ice cream," Daichi suggested.

"Okay."

-

Finally, Hinata was getting discharged. It had been three weeks and they thought he was ready to get back into the world and start living again.

Hinata's mother wasn't so sure.

The redhead knew that she didn't trust him, but he didn't know it was this bad. She threatened to homeschool him.

"How can I be sure you won't get your drugs from these kids at school when you go back?" She asked.

"I promise I won't," he said. "Please, don't homeschool me. I'll- I'll..." He paused. "I'm willing to tell the principal what I've been doing on school property."

"Are you sure?" his mother asked. "You could get expelled."

"I'm sure."

She sighed. "Okay, I could arrange a meeting with the principal."

They got home and Hinata began to get settled back into his room. But when he walked in, everything was different. His mother said she basically turned his room upside down to make sure there was nothing bad hidden away, but he didn't know she'd rearranged some things too. He put his things away and went back downstairs.

"Can I meet up with some of the guys from the team?" He asked his mother.

"No," she said.

"What? Why?"

"How can I trust that you won't do anything irresponsible?"

"How about you talk to Suga or Daichi," he tried. "They'd never let me do anything, honest."

She thought for a minute. "Alright," she said. "Get them on the phone and I'll talk to them."

So, he did. Nothing was going to stop him from being reunited with his teammates after being gone for so long. After talking to the captain, she agreed to let him go out as long as Daichi didn't take his eye off of him.

Finally he'd get to see everyone again.

-

It didn't take long for Daichi and Suga to round everyone up at the volleyball net at the park. Then they went to pick Hinata up. They drove up the mountain road and Suga could barely contain himself when they pulled into the driveway to see the redhead standing on the porch with a smile. He looked a little worse for wear. Hinata had dark smudges under his eyes and seemed to have lost weight. It wasn't an incredibly prominent difference, but anyone who paid enough attention would know right away that he was struggling.

Suga was opening his door before the car even stopped. He stumbled out and ran onto the porch, scooping Hinata into a bear hug.

"Oh my God, I'm so happy you're okay, please never do anything like that ever again."

Suga rambled on and on and Hinata just patted him on the back, saying, "I won't, I promise."

All the while, Hinata's mother was telling Daichi to never take his eyes off of her son and that he didn't want to know what would happen if anything went wrong. Scared of the woman's wrath, Daichi promised that nothing would happen and the three of them got into the car, heading toward the park once more. When they parked in the parking lot, the whole team was running towards their car.

"Hinata!" Nishinoya's voice came as soon as the redhead opened the door.

The libero was about to hug him, but Kageyama shoved his way through and picked him up off the ground, hugging him so tight he could barely breathe.

"I missed you so much, you absolute dumb fuck," the setter said. "Don't anything so stupid ever again. Fuck you."

"I, uh, missed you too," Hinata said. "You have a strange way of showing your feelings."

Kageyama finally put him down after a little bit and everyone else took turns hugging him. When they were done with the cheesy stuff, they got to playing volleyball.

"I'm a bit out of practice," Hinata said sheepishly. "They didn't exactly have volleyball at rehab."

Despite that, Suga noticed that the redhead didn't seem to be out of practice at all. In fact, he was just as good as before, if not better.

"You're doing just fine, Hinata," he yelled across the gym.

The redhead smiled in response before a serve hit him in the side of his head, causing him to fall on his butt and eliciting laughs from the other boys. They practiced until lunch, which they went out and grabbed together. It was afterwards that Hinata received a text from his mother saying she wanted him home before dinner.

"Looks like I have to leave soon, guys," Hinata said. He turned to Daichi. "Will you be able to take me home?"

"Of course," he said.

They got into the car and went back to Hinata's house. As soon as they got out of the car, Daichi was being interrogated by Hinata's mother who was making absolutely sure that nothing went wrong, Hinata burying his face in his hands in embarrassment.

When his mother was finally done with her rambling, Hinata went into the house and Daichi and Suga drove away.

"I'm glad we got to see him," Suga said. "I was so worried. He seems like he's doing alright."

"He seems a lot better than before," Daichi agreed.

Suga smiled and looked back at the Hinata household. Maybe there was hope, after all.

-

Hinata told the principal everything. Because he came clean, he wasn't expelled. Just suspended for the first three weeks of the next school year. The thing that bothered him most, though, was the fact that he got the other boys in trouble. They'd be angry with him. He would like to say he wasn't afraid, but he was. What if they tried to beat him up or hurt him? He wouldn't be surprised. That's something they did to people on a regular basis.

His mother knew how anxious he was about it because Hinata never went out on bike rides or runs anymore. Usually, it was something he did ritualistically every morning. But now, he was far too nervous. He didn't feel safe.

Expressing these feelings to Kageyama was the smartest thing he'd done in a while.

"You know," Kageyama said. "If you're scared to go somewhere, you could just ask me to go with you. I won't let anything happen to you."

Hinata smiled. "I love you," he said.

"I love you, too," Kageyama replied, kissing the top of his head.

"Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away from everything," Hinata said. "Just disappear for a while, you know?"

"Yeah," replied the setter. "I know just what you mean." He paused. "But that's how I feel when I'm with you. I feel like we're in our own little world."

They sat in silence for a while on the back patio of Hinata's house, getting lost in the stars. Maybe this was what it felt like to get away. To truly fall off the grid.

**Author's Note:**

> take a look at my other works and give them some love ;))  
> literally i identify with suga so much because when my best friend found my razor and threw it away, i was so pissed i didn't talk to her for a week. it was all for the best ;)


End file.
